As I actively transition into a career in mental health, it becomes more apparent that I’ve been in a sacred role of support, warmth and guidance already in my career as an escort.
Maybe it’s my role, or me personally as an individual, or possibly my written words read by woman before they reach out to me. I haven’t been able to pin-point it. But what I have learnt, is that sex is no way the main reason why people see me. This notion would confuse the general public, being for most, the idea that my role is ‘wrong’ or ‘not worthy of consideration’. It’s novel, that’s quite true, and so is my experience and point of view.
I’ve wanted to write about this topic for my entire career. I’ve held back because I’v been afraid of what others may think, maybe they would say I didn’t have the right, wasn’t ‘senior’ enough in the industry, that my view meant nothing, being that woman from a very niche part of society seek ‘someone like me’.
I’ve today gained the confidence to share with you, the most important lessons, views and experiences I have had in this career that’s spanned and shaped the last 2.5 years of my life. I believe it’s been an enlightening experience which has altered deeply how I view sex, relationships and intimacy.
Many, if not most of the woman I have had the humbling experience getting to know, have experienced emotional, physical, sexual, verbal or other forms of abuse from their partners or previous partners. They most often will come to me having been suffering for years. Some, remain in an environment of domestic violence, have lost all trust in men, some had not had sex for 5 or more years, some are or have been held ‘sexual hostage’ or ‘intimacy hostage’ where they remain in a relationship where their partners refuse sex or intimacy, bar any advances yet expect their partners to not, look elsewhere.
Its both saddening and disheartening to learn of this happening. More shocking is this is coming from people who HAVE drawn courage to see me. I can’t fathom the number of those who are living through it and / or have suffered in silence.
We as men, need to be better. Much fucking better, quick smart.
I must make note here though, I don’t speak of other types of genders/relationships as I only have experience in being straight male/female relationships. I am very interested to hear other’s experiences, different to my own.
But we do need to sort our shit out. It’s just not bloody on. Women deserve warmth, safety, intimacy and sex. We all do! But being in a relationship, doesn’t give someone dominion over another person’s soul, emotions, body or thoughts. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean your partner owes you anything! Being in a relationship or being married is not a declaration of rights, it’s a declaration of love! A declaration of what the other person means to you, not what they must do FOR you....
So, what have I learnt, what can I wrap up this career as my biggest learning? What can I put it down to?
1. Woman deserve better. They deserve safety, Intimacy and warmth. Woman are not at all ‘things’, they are tender people who have feelings, rights and needs. They aren’t a list of expectations.
2. Sex and intimacy is everyone’s right. Just because you ‘don’t want it’ doesn’t mean that your partner doesn’t get to have it. Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t entitle you to emotionally blackmail or withhold love - physically or mentally, from the other person. If this is happening to you, it’s simple, leave them. You deserve someone who wants to give you ALL of this, and more!
3. The key to betterment in relationships? To me, it’s being ‘other person orientated’. What does that mean? It’s relationship 101 - your partner’s happiness is your own happiness. It’s where you draw enjoyment from making your partner happy. And guess what? When you do that, your partner will do everything for you AND more. Happy wife, happy life - fuckin’ oath, mate!
So that’s it. I said I would ‘sign off’ before retiring and I can’t think of a better way to do so. Thank you for all the lovely souls I have connected with, as clients and friends, industry peers, and those in my personal life, family and friends who have been tested with my occupation but shown warmth, patience and most importantly love.
Now, time for me to become the best damn counsellor I can possibly be!
Love ND xo
Lastly, I would like to leave you with a letter I got this weekend from a very dear client.
I’ve been humbled to be apart of the turning point in her life, the light and the end of the tunnel, the re-igniting of her soul. I met her nearly soulless, the only strength she had left was for her young children.
She’s suffered years of domestic violence. Holes in walls, furniture and electronics thrown at her and her children, constant death threats from her husband and his ‘acquaintances’ . Emotional manipulation and games played with her children to levels you can’t imagine. And, for many years this woman had lost her identity, sense of self, will to live and lost sight of what a healthy relationship should be.
Since being in this lovely person’s life, I’ve had the greatest pleasure to listen to her share her story of personal growth. She’s now happy.
She has been able to remove herself from the abuse, move into a happy home, seek court orders to protect her children, has the financial freedom to make her own financial decisions. She’s booked her first ever international holiday later this year. She now has the right to form her own opinions again, have feelings have hope again. She’s optimistic for the future. She expects a higher standard of respect for herself from herself AND most importantly from men.
To you - thank you for choosing me, thank you for allowing me to be a part of the turning point in your life and I wish you nothing but happiness because you deserve it x